My daughter was 8 months old when my mother suddenly died. I didn't know it then, but that moment became the most transformational moment of my life. I was a new mother, witnessing the death of her own mother. I was at the junction between birth and death. It was the beginning of my journey of overcoming postnatal depression, moving countries, leaving a corporate career, becoming a yoga teacher and healing from Hashimoto's Thyroiditis.
It is how I became a peaceful mother, a woman who is in love with her life, feels better than ever and is always ready for the next adventure.
When you stand at the junction between birth and death, everything becomes very clear and you know what the next steps for you are.
At the time, I was seeing a therapist, as I was dealing with postnatal depression. I was working in a corporate job as an audit manager in a big accounting firm. I was unfulfilled and craving being home with my baby. Our financial situation did not allow it and I felt trapped.
I was living for others. I was afraid to do what I really wanted - to be a psychologist and to raise my children at home. I looked at my mother's life and realised that the choices she had made in her life had shaped who she became. And I understood that I was learning how to live by observing her and making the choices I thought that she would approve of. I understood that there is a trajectory to our lives. I understood that the choices we make on a daily basis take us forward. I understood that we can make different choices if we want to create different results in our lives. I realised that I had learned how to be, by being who I thought my mother wanted me to be.
I realised that even though she had told me that I could be anything I wanted, I didn't believe her. I didn't believe her because what I wanted was different to what I thought she wanted for me. And I was so desperate to please her.
I looked at my 8 month old daughter, and I realised that she was going to learn how to be a woman from me. I felt the mammoth weight of that responsibility and vowed to become a woman that my daughter would be proud of. I vowed to become a woman that could demonstrate to her daughter that she could create anything she desired in life. I vowed to change my ways and to start taking full responsibility for the life I was creating. No more blaming my parents for the career I hated. No more blaming my boss for my horrible job.
It started with changing jobs and moving to a better firm. Then I started decreasing my hours and started working four days a week. I enrolled in a psychology degree at university and completed my first year subjects. Then my husband and I decided to move to Australia. My mother always encouraged us to go, but I was always too afraid. Now I had her voice whispering in my ear, "Go and create an amazing life. I am so proud of you."
We made the decision that I would stop working for money and we would live on one salary. This was an easy decision emotionally, but we really struggled financially for the first couple of years. I had to become resourceful and I also felt the loneliness of being at home all day with small children. As much as I loved being home, I wanted more, but, again, I felt trapped. I felt trapped by the responsibility of raising small children and the financial constraints of one salary. I knew that I didn't want to go back into the corporate field, I knew I didn't want a boss and at the same time I didn't have any other qualifications.
It was at this time that I found Dru yoga. Dru gave me the love and nurturing I was craving. I was giving so much to my family, so being in an environment that gave to me, was healing on all layers of my being. I loved Dru so much that I decided to train as a yoga teacher.
When I started my three year training, my life started to rapidly change. I started studying the teachings of Abraham-Hicks and the law of attraction and all of a sudden everything seemed possible.
At this time, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's Thyroiditis by my naturopath. It came through a routine health check. At the time she also told me that my hormones were very much out of whack. I dove deeply into understanding what was happening with my body and how to support it in healing.
I started learning about menstrual cycles and the gifts in them. I started to deeply appreciate my femininity and for the first time in my life started to live according to my feminine rhythms. I started tracking the phases of my cycles on our family calendar and planned events around that time. This was instrumental in bringing my hormones back into balance and I still plan my life around my cycles.
I also discovered Ayurveda and started deep and intense studies. I found it easy to understand, it all made sense to me. I could see how we are all connected to nature and how honouring our own nature, would bring us back into balance.
I saw all the places where I was giving my power away and where I was not living true to myself. I started to deeply honour myself and slowly but surely my life started to look different. One at a time, I dropped each thought that told me that I was not good enough and made new choices to support that. I had many wonderful teachers who supported me through this time. I am still uncovering where I am not being true to myself and shedding layers as I go.
My Ayurvedic doctor has been an angel in my life. She gently supported me in making slow changes to my habits, that turned so much around and got me ready to find Anthony William, the Medical Medium. I speak so much about how following his recommended protocols has helped me because we all need to eat, so why not eat in a way that will bring you the greatest possible health and vitality?
In my journey, I have also learned about the power of personal style and how dressing to impress yourself is vital in raising your energy. I am passionate about supporting women to take time to care for their appearance. I know how much it raises the vibration of the family and the community. Besides, it's only polite to dress presentably. And my mother always told me that every woman is beautiful.
And here I am today. Continually evolving and so proud of my journey so far. I believe that my daughter is proud of who her mother is and I hear my own mother whispering in my ear, cheering me on. I have learned in this journey that she has not left me, she has merely transformed into my 24/7 cheerleader.
I have also come to the point where I no longer need my daughter to be proud of me, it is enough that I am proud of myself.
A peaceful mother is a mother who is happy in her own skin. And a mother who is proud of herself, inspires her children and does not need them to a certain way. She has acceptance of who she is, so she doesn't need anyone else to change to make her feel better. Peaceful Mothering is about loving yourself and elevating your life. It is about kindness, firstly to ourselves and then to others.
I am so happy to be at this place and so excited for the next evolution.
What do you believe makes a peaceful mother?